I haven't been the best daughter for you despite the sacrifices you've made for me, for us. I know you've been praying a lot for me to get through my situation now, and for the world to treat me well, even just this once. I've answered back at you, I've thrown tantrums, I've taken advantage and betrayed your trust. Every time, I feel like I've disappointed you. I haven't said this to anyone, but these days I can't look at you anymore without thinking that I'm more of a burden to you than someone you could be proud of. But I think I deserve it, so I still keep looking at you, and these thoughts creep into my head without fail. It sucks. I hate it. But I deserve it. But you, you don't deserve all those, you never did. I've apologized countless times that they don't seem to be sincere anymore. But I truly am sorry.
I'm tired of disappointing you. I'm tired of making you cry.
So it ends here, now. 22 years of me is going to stand on her own now. And yes, make you proud at last. So I need you to take care of yourself more, as I need you to live longer, so you could be proud of me longer. That day will come when you can happily brag me to your friends and just be proud of me. It won't be in the near future, though. That's why you need to be healthy until then. I'm saying this because we're both not getting any younger, and I'm not there to take care of you. So let's take care of ourselves, and live long.
I don't know if you'll be able to read this. But if fate leads you here, then well and good. :)
I love you. It doesn't take a day like Mothers' Day for me to say this. But saying it almost everyday doesn't make it any more untrue.
I love you. And I love you. :)
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